I was standing alone at a counter of a print shop waiting to pick up an order when I noticed a stack of papers that had been left on the counter. It was a report on a client from a local counseling center – obviously something highly confidential and personal – something I had no business reading.
At the time I was in charge of a 24 hours counseling ministry so I decided that just a few quick glances would technically not be shameless snooping, it was more like “professional inquiry” – research. And research is good, right?
It started by detailing the patient’s problem.
- Patient initiated therapy due to frequent bouts of severe depression.
- Patient believes his continuing abuse of alcohol is a major contributing factor to the failure of all three of his marriages.
The list went on detailing problem after problem this poor guy was struggling with.
Then came his personal profile – age, address, height, weight and employer
- Patient is a Professional Counselor employed at XYZ Counseling Center.
What?!
I was stunned. This guy’s life was a train wreck but every day, hurting people were sent to him to get expert advice on how to run their lives. He had the degrees. He had the credentials. He obviously had people convinced he had something valuable to say.
There are thousands of voices out there clamoring to be heard. They want to tell you what to think, how to act and … how to train your children. Every one of them speaks with such conviction that surely their truth must be THE truth.
But neither confidence nor volume, nor degrees nor letters after your name make your message true. Even the most sincere people can be sincerely wrong. Keep these three things in mind as you decide who to listen to in any area of life but especially when it comes to training your children because in that area, you only get one shot.
1. Stick with time tested teachers.
Before you follow the advice of some parenting guru, find out what their children are doing. If they are doing time, look for another source.
Check out the harvest they reaped in their life from following their own advice. If it’s a miserable crop why would you want to plant the same seed?
“Oh, but they learned from their mistakes so now they can tell me how to do it right. “
Maybe. But there are thousands of wrong ways. Can you afford to risk it. Their second sure fire expert opinion may be just as disastrous as their first.
2. Stick with time tested methods
Be wary of “new” ideas. The wisest man who ever lived said there is nothing new under the sun. A lot of experts today condemn Biblical methods and Biblical standards while hawking their “new” enlightened methods.
I’ve lived long enough to see many “new” ideas that failed a few decades ago brought back with a new name and a fresh coat of paint. But they are just as destined to fail today as they did 30 years ago. There is a good chance that “new” idea someone is trying to sell has already been tried and abandoned by others long before you came on the scene.
3. Stick with Principles.
Principles work – in all generations, in all cultures. And you won’t find a more time-tested collection of principles than in Scripture. Who knows more about how to care for a car than the maker of that car? Who knows more about the care and training of your children than their Creator?
You want to know how to train your children?
Look into God’s Word. Ask Him to help you apply it to your situation.
If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. – James 1:5
Find advisors who have produced a good crop – adult children that are passionate in their walk with God – and then suck them dry for counsel and insight.
Walk with the wise and become wise; associate with fools and get in trouble. – Proverb 13:20
There is a place for picking up ideas and inspiration from peers but remember, your goal isn’t just a quick fix for today’s problem. Your goal is godly kids for a lifetime. Like covering a cancer with makeup, sometimes what looks great right now ultimately ends in disaster.
But my people have left me to worship the Big Lie.
They’ve gotten off the track, the old, well-worn trail,
Their land’s going to end up a mess— a fool’s memorial to be spit on.
Travelers passing through will shake their heads in disbelief.
– Jeremiah 18:15 – 16 (the Message)
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