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Rick Malm

The best way I’ve found to never have to spank your kids

I get a lot of interesting questions about parenting. Recently someone wrote that they were concerned that they might not be spanking their children enough.

They went on to say that time outs and taking away a privilege or two seemed to solve the problem. “Am I doing something wrong because I’m not spanking my child?”

They were a little surprised by my answer.

No! If what you’re doing is working then keep it up as long as it works.

I talk a lot about spanking in this blog because it’s such a neglected tool in the parental toolbox. And it’s one of those tools that, when you need it, nothing else will do the job.

But, and this is what surprised my friend, Continue Reading

May 2, 2016 by

My Worst Nightmare. Was this really my daughter?

A guest post by Leslie Blanchard

I will never forget the day my daughter told me that Bethany, a girl in her 4th grade class, was annoying her.

“What is she doing to you?” I questioned, instinctively protective.

“She’s following me around on the playground and sitting by me at lunch!” she quipped, as if that would sum things up and get me squarely on her side.

“You mean she’s trying to be friends with you?” I asked incredulously.

I realized immediately that I had a problem on my hands. I was raising my own worst nightmare. Smack dab in the middle of my brood of five kids, was a charismatic, sassy, leggy, blonde, dance-y, athletic girl oozing confidence … and apparently annoyance, directed towards another little girl that wasn’t lucky enough to be her.

Inconveniently for my daughter, her own mother WAS Bethany in grade school. Freckled of face and frizzy of hair, I was an Army brat, always the new girl clamoring for a friend, drawn to the natural confidence of girls like my daughter. This conversation found me vacillating between heartache and fury, but one thing I knew for sure: Mama was about to put her money where her mouth had been all these years. The battle of two very strong wills ensued at my home the next morning.  Continue Reading

April 28, 2016 by

Do you make these 2 mistakes that encourage bad behavior?

Peggy was excited. “You won’t believe what happened yesterday! A friend of mine has a private plane. He was going on a day trip and since Jeff was out of school he asked if he could take Jeff along. What a great opportunity. Of course I let him go. I think God must have arranged it. Isn’t that great? ”

All I could do in response to her question was shake my head and wonder what planet this woman came from. No! I didn’t think it was a great opportunity sent by the Lord.

I don’t think you will either when you know “the rest of the story.”

Peggy was a single mom whose son, Jeff, was a junior high student where I was principal. She was having problems disciplining her son so we agreed to work with her to help get him under control. Continue Reading

April 21, 2016 by

This surprising letter literally brought tears to my eyes.

I recently received an amazing letter in response to a post about having children copy Scripture as a form of discipline. When I implemented the practice at the school where I was a young principal several parents expressed concerned, “Forcing kids to copy Scripture might make them hate the Bible.”

I could see their point but, “Making my kids eat vegetables might make them hate veggies. Forcing them to go to school might make them hate school. Making them go to bed early might make them hate going to bed at a decent hour.”

There are all sorts of things we force our kids to do because it’s good for them even though they don’t like it. I decided 2 Timothy 3:16 was reason enough to make kids copy Scriptures appropriate to the problems they were having.

After that post I heard from one of the upper elementary school girls who “suffered” from having to copy Scripture. Remembering who she was in elementary school and reading how this affected her literally brought tears to my eyes. I thought you might enjoy hearing Wilma’s take:

“As a child with undiagnosed A.D.D., I was in trouble very often. I am thankful for all the times I was sent home to write verses. I received alternative punishments to write dictionary words sometimes, as well! 
Continue Reading

April 18, 2016 by

You’ll be surprised who these kids wanted to have dinner with.

(1:42 video) 

AN AMAZING TRUTH ABOUT FAMILY MEALS

I couldn’t believe it. The reporter said 20% of all meals in the United States are eaten in the car. Wow! I may have to stop texting and reading while I drive just so I can watch out for all the crazies who are downing a burger and fries while driving.

Jana was pretty mellow on most things but one thing she was an absolute momma bear about was everyone being present for dinner. I didn’t understand why it was such a big deal but because it meant so much to her I went along. I’m so glad I did because years later I realized how wise my wonderful wife was. Continue Reading

April 14, 2016 by

An expert tells how to get children to stay in their room for time outs.

I recently watched a parenting video by an “expert” who was totally against spanking. Instead, he suggested timeouts. At home he suggested sending a child to his room.

“But what if the child won’t stay in his room?” a parent asked.

“Put a lock on the room.” I’m not kidding. That was his solution.

“But what if the angry child locked in his room begins destroying it?” Continue Reading

April 11, 2016 by

The mysterious reason your child misbehaves and what to do about it.

Third in a series of 4 parenting myths.

I got a call telling me I needed to immediately come to the school. I was directed to the assistant principal’s office where I met him and my oldest son. Joel had been caught shooting paper clips with a rubber band during class.

The assistant principal began explaining to my junior high son the dangers of this behavior, why the school couldn’t permit it, and blah, blah, blah, blah blah. I sat patiently listening but thinking, “This is a total waste of breath.” Joel knows what he did was wrong and I know what will keep him from doing it again … and it isn’t a lecture on the dangers of sharp projectiles around soft eye tissue. Continue Reading

April 7, 2016 by

Please forgive me for this very personal parenting post.

Today, April 4, 2016, is our 41st wedding anniversary. Yes, April 4, 1975 the most gracious and gorgeous woman I’ve ever met – quite amazingly – said “I do” and we started a life adventure following our Lord together.

There’s no way we could have known then that He would lead us out of the military, into ministry, into missions, to Guatemala, Central America and later to found a mission agency that would enable literally thousands of others to follow Him on a similar adventure.

We couldn’t have guessed back then that along the way He would send us three wonderful children to accompany us on the journey and who would grow up to also love and passionately serve Him.

Yes, there were times we understood why some animals eat their young. There were times we had no idea what to do as parents and did the only thing we could do – cried out to God and held on for the ride.

There were times our marriage was a wreck. We were far too young and immature to have gotten married but we made our vows first to God and then to one another. So, again, we did the only thing we could do – cried out to God and held on for the ride. Continue Reading

April 4, 2016 by

Anger does not produce obedience, action does.

One day while I was principal of a Christian school I got into a conversation during lunch with the 2nd grade teacher. The bell rang indicating her lunch was over and I expected her to leave but she kept talking. Through my window I could see her class lining up on the playground and within a few minutes they marched up to the room. She continued talking.

In a few more minutes I became concerned and said I thought she should check on her class. “Oh, they’re fine. They’ll be working on a Math assignment”, and she kept talking about an issue we needed to discuss.

About 10 minutes later I couldn’t stand it any longer. “Let’s finish this conversation in your classroom.” I had to make sure her class wasn’t running wild. Continue Reading

March 31, 2016 by

Don’t be fooled by these 4 destructive parenting myths.

As a school principal I got a quick education on several parenting myths. When I had to have a conference with parents over their child’s behavior I’d start by letting them know the problem. Then I’d usually offer some suggestions for correcting the problem.

“Oh, no”, would often be the response. “I don’t think we could do that. You see, we believe …”

And then they would share some insight they gained from a popular magazine or some “expert” they heard on a talk show. It didn’t take long for me to figure out why we were having this meeting.

The child was almost never the problem. The parent and their parenting style was. Here are 4 of the faulty ideas that I often heard and that are still popular today.

  1. Kids misbehave because they don’t feel good about themselves.

Continue Reading

March 28, 2016 by